Chaotic Order
by Daisensei Ben
Summary: Being Ranma is no picnic. Don't worry, our hero can handle it. We hope.
1. Default Chapter

"So, go over it again," he asked the blond woman sitting on his bed.

"Tomorrow, you'll be out walking the neighborhood. You will see a small child playing in the street. When the car comes around the corner, you won't stop to think about the consequences." The woman's lips turned up in smirk.

"What happens if I'm not there? Won't the kid die?"

"You needn't worry. The child will live whether you're there or not."

He got the feeling he wasn't running on all eight cylinders here. Having a woman with glowing gold hair pop out of your computer screen tends to do that to you.

"You're not leaving until I make a wish, correct?"

"Correct. I would never let you get away. Law and Chaos living harmoniously in one being. In every other being in the world, Law and Chaos snarl at each others throats like dogs in the wild. Your Chaos and your Law are like lovers."

He opened his mouth to make some sort of smart remark. "I wish…,"

Part of his mind screamed its lungs out at the rest of him. He was dealing with a near-as-omnipotent-as-made-no-difference being of pure Chaos, sitting on his bed. And he had just said those words.

--------------

Genma grumbled as he walked along. The grumbling, however, was nothing new.

Ever since that fiasco with the Cat Fist. Genma had opened up the lid to see if the boy had learned the technique yet when two spitting and yowling felines were thrown in his face. The cats, and then Ranma, had proceeded to beat the living tar out of Genma. The boy no longer showed any kind of respect for Genma. Why, he wouldn't even steal when Genma asked. To top it all off, the boy had forgotten nearly all of his martial arts training, meaning Genma had to start all over again from scratch.

Ranma grumbled too. He was stuck in his absolute least favorite anime. The only way it could be any worse would be crossover elements with Sailor Moon. Ranma prayed that this timeline was close to canon.

He should have just wished for a really cool watch.

-----------------------

The Jusenkyo springs. The multitudinous pools of sorrow. Ranma was having none of it.

"Get off the damn pole, Genma," Ranma said to his (even though he hated the fact) father.

"He very big idiot, no?" asked the Jusenkyo Guide.

"I wish I could say you were wrong," Ranma replied with a sigh. "You wouldn't be interested in adopting me, would you?"

"Sorry, Mr. Customer, but no. Have enough problems with daughter as is."

"I was afraid you might say that." Ranma looked over to where Genma was balanced above one of the springs. That pole didn't look very sturdy. Ranma suppressed the urge to knock Genma in. He couldn't do that. Even if the bastard deserved it. Even if he was a raging idiot. Even if he was a gluttonous, lazy slug. It would be wrong to push him in.

Ranma had turned his back on the man when he heard a splash. Looking back around, it was quite obvious where Genma had gone.

"IF YOU WERE GONNA KNOCK HIM IN, WHY COULDN'T I HAVE HAD FUN WITH IT?" he screamed at the heavens.

-----------------

"Actually, I've never met him."

Right about when the words passed his lips, Soun realized that probably wasn't the wisest thing to say. Cowardly instincts, honed by long tutelage under Happosai, kicked in as he stared at the rising glow surrounding his youngest daughter.

Soun Tendo was, quite literally, saved by the bell.

Soun himself dove for the door, putting as much distance between him and Akane as possible. He stood up, brushed off bits of gravel, and opened the door.

Soun! My old friend!

Whatever he had been expecting, a three-toed sloth waving a sign around hadn't been one of them.

"Knock it off, Genma," grumbled the young man carrying the sloth, "You're in your cursed form now, remember?"

Soun's eyes widened. That poise! The way the jacket and jeans were worn! This young man just had to be…

Wait a minute…

Ranma obviously had little care for personal appearance. His clothes were ratty and he needed a shave. The bird's nest of hair at the top of Ranma's head badly needed combing. Maybe he could convince Ranma to at least trim his stubble before meeting the girls.

"Oh, is this Ranma?" asked Nabiki from behind her father.

Too late.

Nabiki's line of thinking went slightly different from Soun's. In her experience, the few emotionally well-adjusted people in Tokyo didn't give a damn what others thought of them. Mostly it was the burakumin, who were already despised by the general Japanese populous, that said "Fuck you" to the rest of the world. Being alienated by society had placed them in a situation that was beyond their control. With so many people seeing them as worthless, the burakumin had found that accepting this fact was easier and healthier than railing against it. Often, if one got to know Japan's unsung minority, one found that the burakumin lived genuinely happy lives, unconcerned about the outside world's opinion of them. Ranma, like the burakumin, obviously was possessed of enough self-confidence to realize that he was happiest being who he was.

In short, Ranma was comfortable enough in his own skin that he didn't bother trying to look good for others.

Slight problem: Nabiki liked controlling others. And if Ranma was what she thought he was, Ranma would turn out to be just as wild and untamable as his namesake.

Nabiki reserved her planning until she could gain more information on how the Wild Horse reacted to his outside world. For now she would play dutiful fiancée and watch from the sidelines.

Kasumi saw Ranma following Nabiki and came to much the same conclusion as her father. Akane saw only a perverted BOY, if only dirtier than most.

Ranma set Genma down next to the table and tried to hide his smirk. He was in Tokyo finally and could now get away from Genma. Maybe he should provoke Akane into attacking him. He oh so hated the bitch. Oh god would it be good to smack her around some. With a sigh, he reminded himself that bullying people was wrong. No matter how tempting.

"So, uh, son," began Soun, still a little unsure of how to proceed, "I thought your father would be coming here with you. Is he coming along later?"

Ranma visibly repressed a snicker. "No, he's here. If I could have some hot water I'll explain."

Nabiki looked askance at him. "Hot water?"

The youth nodded.

Some moments later Kasumi returned from the kitchen, handing a steaming kettle to Ranma. Ranma nodded his thanks and doused the sloth sitting next too him.

The four Tendos abruptly had their hair standing on end. Watching a three-toed sloth transform into a fat example of humanity can be surprising. Genma ignored such unimportant things as his hosts' discomfort and embraced his old friend. Then promptly reversed their traditional roles by weeping tears of joy.

Ranma removed a rain-poncho from his pack and slipped it on.

"Oh God, Soun! It's terrible!" wailed Genma while still crushing the only male Tendo. "Ever since I tried to train the boy in the Cat Fist he's never respected me!"

"Not much to respect," commented Ranma as he pulled on a set of rubber waders. Kasumi went to get a mop.

Genma was undeterred. "He refuses to participate in the true training of Anything Goes as the Master taught us! He continually insults me at every turn!"

"Continually outsmart you, you mean." Ranma resumed removing snorkeling gear from his pack.

"He makes a mockery of the great training practices I devised…"

"You did that well enough on your own."

"…he has turned the Art we practice into a laughing stock…"

"See my earlier comment."

"And now this horrible Jusenkyou curse!" Genma truly broke down then. Kasumi gave up mopping and just lay down a few towels to catch and direct the flow.

See as the obese man was indisposed for a time, the middle Tendo turned to Ranma for answers.

--------------------

Nerima is a quiet residential area nestled in a largely ignored part of Tokyo proper. The houses are larger here than elsewhere in the city, providing a level of space unheard of in most parts of Japan. The housewives dry their laundry outside on the lawn instead of on apartment balconies or windows. Automobile traffic is at a minimum; there are in fact, no cars for blocks. Mornings are peaceful affairs whereby the residents wake calmly and relaxed, often with plenty of time to greet the day before heading off to work or school.

Nothing ever lasts.

Even Nabiki was awoken by the sound of a man screaming. The man doing the screaming can be forgiven for his rude way of rousing his hosts, as he was flying through the air while screaming. All the Tendos made it to a window in time to see an enormously fat man in a white fighting gi land bodily in the koi pond.

"Why were you napping, you old fool!" roared Ranma from the guest room. He paused to dramatically cover his face with his arm. "Why! Oh, why did the heavens curse me so? Oh, the dishonor of having a worthless father!"

The sloth in the pond waved a three-clawed paw at its son.

The young Saotome chuckled his way down the stairs into the main room. The sight of a wet and bedraggled Genma sent him into all out laughter.

"Ranma," Kasumi lightly scolded. Ranma himself found that even he wasn't immune to an angry Kasumi. He stopped laughing but couldn't keep a few guffaws from coming forth.

After a while, the middle Tendo sister dragged herself downstairs. Nabiki shot the scruffy boy a dirty look. Ranma gave her a winning smile.

Soun cleared his throat. "With all the excitement last night, we forgot to bring up the topic of the engagement. Now son, I don't know if you've heard, but…"

"Honor arrangement with Genma?" the youth clarified. "Yeah, I know about it. Lazy bastard didn't tell me about it, but I still know."

Ignoring the panicked signs of his friend, Soun pressed on. "Well, you've already met my three daughters. Pick either Kasumi, Nabiki, or Akane and they'll be your fiancée."

"How about none of the above?"

Soun blinked. "No, I'm afraid that you have to choose."

"Damn, they ain't bagels, Tendo." Ranma stuck a pair of wooden chopsticks in his mouth and began to chew lightly. "And… you seem awfully anxious to get them married off."

"Heh, heh, don't be silly! I only want them to be happy." Soun was beginning to sweat now.

"And yet you're only too happy to marry them off to the first jerk who comes along. Could you pass the soy sauce, Kasumi-san?"

Soun went for broke. Full demonhead, screaming all the way. "It's a matter of family honor. Pick one you worthless lout!"

Ranma seemed to ponder that one. He hemmed and hawed for a while before arriving at a decision. "Screw honor. After all, that's what Genma said. I've been engaged—by honor arrangement, I might add—to three families that I know of. Who am I goin' to marry?"

The Tendo patriarch rounded on his old friend. Despite lack of sweat glands of any kind, Genma's sloth form began to perspire. Kasumi's brain decided that it couldn't handle this appropriately and shut down. As this wasn't terribly different from normal, no one noticed. Nabiki wondered if Ranma wanted to pursue a career in the legal field.

Akane reacted a bit more vocally.

"You jerk! You made my daddy cry!" And this was true, Soun was shedding more than a few tears. Akane also failed to remember that her father was in a perpetual sobbing state. Such unimportant details were ignored in the application of true Takahashi-style violence. To her credit, Akane acted maturely and with all the grace of the martial artist she was.

Table come up. Table come down.

Half a second later, Ranma was nursing a bruised forearm and the Tendos needed a new table.

----------------

The Saotome and Tendo patriarchs stared intently at the shogi board. This perhaps could be expected. If there were actually shogi pieces on the board at this time.

"We have a problem, Saotome."

The larger man nodded. "My son is much more independent minded than I had hoped he would be. I know I have only myself to blame for it, however. If I had never thrown him in that pit of cats…"

"Pit of cats?"

"An obscure training procedure. But ever since the boy came from the Cat-Fist training, he's had a fire and a… an arrogance that we never had. He makes friends the way a tree makes leaves and refuses to take anything anyone says as gospel unless he tests it for himself first. Where did I go wrong?"

"Truly Saotome, you have raised an honorless ronin of a boy."

"If he heard you say that Tendo, he would take it as a compliment."

----------------  



	2. Enter Kanzaki

Chaotic Order

Chp 2

Disclaimer: Do I look like I own this?

ooooooooooooooo

In Asgard, a huntress was on the prowl. Her prey was the most elusive in all of the heavenly realms. The usual hiding places had been cleared. All forms of impediment had been questioned and eliminated. Her terrible visage threw others out of her way as she stalked to the only place left that could house this most evasive of prey.

The door was stout wood, unidentifiable as any earthly tree. A single brass knob was all that hampered her progress now. She seized the metal instrument, hefted her weapon to test the weight, and charged.

"URD!" roared the Norn of the Future, throwing open the door. Skuld's oldest sister leapt three feet in the air. "Just what in Father's name are you pulling now! What do you have up your sleeve?"

"I haven't done anything lately, kiddo. What are you on about?" Urd looked to be on a slow boil. Now that she'd gotten her heart rate under control.

"Don't lie to me, you old bag! I know this is your little prank. And I'm telling you to stop this right now!" Skuld limbered up her hammer and produced a minor explosive from her robes.

Urd summoned her powers, drawing a curtain of electrical energy around herself. "And I'm telling you, I don't have any clue what you're talking about!"

"There's a punishment for lying!"

"There's a punishment for not respecting your elders!"

Several levels up, the Immortal Lao felt the floor shudder under him. A brief examination of the tiles under his feet and the walls around him revealed no structural defects. Shrugging, Immortal Lao took another swig of his drink. There was something to be said for this mixture. Jack Daniels did indeed seem to go well with Coca-Cola.

Below, Urd was slower in getting up than her sister. Skuld snatched the other woman's hair and brought Urd's head up to the file she held.

"That mortal Ranma Saotome is under someone's possession. Found that during a debugging. So I checked. Turns out somebody granted another mortal a wish. I'm quite aware that Ranma Saotome was your pet project. So what did you do?"

"I didn't grant that wish," Urd told her little sister.

Skuld let go of her sibling's hair. "Then who did?" Skepticism could be seen in every line of her body.

"L-sama."

Skuld fainted.

ooooooooooooooooooo

Ranma hurt. All over.

The boy was quite aware that he was not as phenomenally, psychotically strong as the real Ranma Saotome. He had, unlike the true version, devoted some of his time to pursuits outside of martial arts. Genma had had kittens, but the scruffy youth considered that as a side benefit. Besides, he'd found out in his first life that he preferred to train at his own pace, accepting help where necessary, but otherwise going it solo. He was, simply put, a loner. Friends were nice, but his usual interests were solitary ones.

This had been his first mistake. The absolute filtering out of all other influences had made Ranma Saotome a martial arts god, nearly unbeatable, capable of pushing past his own inhuman limits to become even stronger. Ranma didn't regret his decision in the least, but it had bit him in the ass this time.

He was also not following his own plan. Originally, he had wanted to ditch Genma the instant the fiasco at the dojo was done, but the entertainment value of the situation had sung, and like a fool, he'd fallen to temptation. And just this morning, Furinkan High had come down on him.

Quite simply, Kuno had nearly handed Ranma his own ass.

He was not as powerful as the real Ranma. He had won the fight only by skill, tactics, and sheer ruthlessness. Kuno's bokken could shear trees in two. Ranma's strategy was to avoid the wooden blade at all costs. Deflecting the blade had proved necessary several times, and the few direct hits that had landed had been doozies. Mostly he'd tried to be faster than Kuno and smarter. The latter was quite easy; the former was not.

Dealing with the Shooting Fart after that debacle was labeled 'non-viable option.' School was skipped. The dojo was out until later time. This left most of Greater Metropolitan Tokyo.

Tokyo was a big place.

Ranma sighed. This looked like a business section; mostly automobile traffic and office high-rises. Meaning there would be a majority of shops and stores here. Meaning Ranma could finally get some shopping done. He'd been out of reading material for two months now. He was also out of paper and his creative side was getting antsy.

Just when things were looking better, reality crashed back in. Ranma was flat broke.

Not just regular broke; Kraft-macaroni-and-cheese broke. Pert-Plus-shampoo broke.

Making a note to pick up some Jeff Foxworthy tapes, Ranma continued on his not-so-merry way. He was just coming to a particularly busy freeway when he spotted the girl. She was doing an impressive balancing act; what with walking on the divider like that. Taking a few squats to loosen up his legs, he tried to gauge the distance from where he stood to the dividing girder. He would have to remember to thank Genma later.

Well, no, maybe not.

In any case, Ranma took a running leap over four lanes of traffic to land just behind the girl. And caught her just before she could fall. He watched the expression in her eyes turn from fear to anger. She shrugged out of his grip and continued walking.

"You know, it's not that often I find someone who likes doing this kind of thing," he said with a smile to the girl's back. She didn't answer.

"You do this a lot?" Still no answer.

"Oh boy, are you friendly."

"Would you just shut up and go away?" she retorted over the sound of cars whizzing by at around one hundred and ten kilometers an hour.

"Well, I just thought that us two freaks should at least trade names. Kind of a companionable camaraderie."

"My name's Urumi Kanzaki. Now please go away."

The boy smiled. He'd been right. "Pleased to meet you Urumi. I'm Ranma Saotome. But you can just call me Ranma.

"Oh yeah! Hate to tell you this, but I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. I'd need a running start to clear the traffic. Besides, I don't want to leave."

"Are you always this annoying or am I just lucky?"

Ranma smiled. "I'm always this annoying Ms. Kanzaki. It has to do with one of my hobbies. I think one of my favorite pastimes is playing with peoples heads."

"Yeah, messing with someone's mind is great." There was an evident smile in her voice. "Especially when they deserve it. That's the best feeling in the world."

"Getting something over on the people who pissed you off? Yeah, I can see that."

In a certain book written by one of Ranma's favorite author's, there was a very detailed description on how to peel a safe. One simply finds a chink in the safe, a small hole that a tool could be fitted into. Then, one worries away at the hole until that the hole is big enough to pull money through. The key was patience. One had to be very deliberate to find the chink, one had to be very deliberate at whittling away the safe's armor.

The same could of course be applied to people. And Ranma was very close to finding Kanzaki's chink.

"Not just those idiots that piss you off," Urumi clarified, "it's also those dirty liars that betrayed you." Ranma grinned.

"So you're going to get back at them. Teach them never to mess with you again?"

The girl gave a skeptical laugh. "They're too stupid to learn to leave me alone. But I'll be happy enough getting my revenge."

"Revenge, huh? Heavy stuff. How you gonna do that? Not gonna toilet paper their houses, are you?"

"No." Silence for a few moments. "I'm going to blow up my school."

They stopped talking to climb up a pole, cross a horizontal beam, then drop to the sidewalk below. Ranma looked back at the directional sign they'd just dropped from. It proclaimed that Holy Forest Academy was coming up soon.

"Blowing up the school? Like I said; heavy stuff. So, it's some so-called friends giving you hell," the boy speculated.

"Just one. And to boot he's supposed to be my teacher."

The young Saotome snorted. "Some teacher."

"All teachers are like him. They just turn on you when things get difficult."

"Can't say as I've had much experience in the public school system. But I do know that my teacher, Genma, wasn't just worthless and shifty. He was downright wicked. And to make matters worse, he's the sperm donor responsible for my body's creation."

Urumi paused and stared at him. "You're a test-tube baby?"

"I wish," he growled, "That would be nicer than knowing some woman spread her legs for that sack of fat."

They started walking again. Kanzaki eventually asked her second question of the day.

"I take it you hate your mother, too?"

"Don't even know her. But I do know that three years after she pushed out her one and only child, she had a contract written up. This contract stated that the boy and his father would commit ritual suicide if the boy did not live up to her idea of manliness. Might I also add that her idea of manly is synonymous with most people's idea of lechery, dishonesty, and adultery.

"But it is fair to say that I do not consider myself the child of either of those freaks. And I fully intend to break the Saotome honor blade if I can ever get my hands on it."

Ranma had begun snarling halfway through his rant. His lips were pulled back, baring his teeth. Kanzaki thought that he looked about ready to bite through someone's neck. She was quite acquainted with cold anger. Murderous rage was something she'd never seen before. That sparked a kind of thought in Kanzaki. Whatever her betrayals were, they were nothing compared to what Ranma had been through.

Urumi at least had Tomoko, a friend who provided unconditional love and loyalty. And perhaps her mother, who provided love of a more conditional kind. There was someone even more alone than her. They didn't speak again until they got to the gates of the school. The blonde girl noticed that her male companion didn't leave her side. Just continued on into the grounds as though he had every right to be there.

"What are you doing?" she asked him, for once her questions not teasing.

The older boy just smiled down at her. "Making sure you don't hurt anyone. If anyone asks, I'm your older brother, here to check you out early. Just act like I belong and we won't have any problems."

Feeling herself smile back, Urumi stated the obvious. "You've done this before."

"Many a time," Ranma said with a nod.

The bombs were planted. All near a window, Ranma noted with some cheer. They only ran into one teacher, and that was on the way out. Ranma spun some cock and bull story about being Urumi's half-brother and being sent by their father to come get her. The woman bought it without question and the pair walked out into the school yard.

"Three…"

The martial artist froze a half-step behind the schoolgirl.

"Two…"

He used a gliding step to maneuver completely behind her.

"One…"

He limbered up, ready to plant his feet if need be.

"Zero."

The school exploded. Ranma felt small bits of debris strike the back of his calves. His only comment was, "Boom."

The pair split before anyone else found them.


	3. Successions of Blue

Chaotic Order 

Chp 3

Disclaimer: I barely have five cents to my name, what the heck makes you think I own any of this?

oooooooooooooo

Nabiki watched the younger of the Saotomes jump over the outer wall. He straightened and walked over to the house. The Tendo daughter got up to intercept his movement.

She put her trademark smirk in place. "Care to tell us where you've been, Saotome?"

"Not really," Ranma brushed off. He went past her before stopping, obviously letting an idea strike him.

"Nabiki," he asked her, "how about a trade? I need some information from the gangs in the Kanto area. Pass along anything that comes from an Eikichi Onizuka or a Ryuji Danma."

"And just what do I get?" the middle daughter queried with a raised eyebrow.

"You get to know where I was all day." Ranma began to grin evilly. "And I won't tell Akane about certain photos you take of her."

"How do you know about that?" Beneath her cool exterior, Nabiki was fuming. Was someone selling copies of the photos besides her? If so, how had they gotten under Nabiki's radar? Ranma had ditched right after his bout with Kuno, so no one had shown him any of the pictures.

The boy grinned at her discomfort. So good to get one over on the Ice Queen. "I know many things, dear Nabiki-chan. I do intend to overlook it, seein's'how I was told you do it to support the dojo. But I need this favor, Nabiki."

The named girl nodded her head. Then took on an expression of waiting for something.

"I was in and around Holy Forest Academy," Ranma said as he slid up the stairs, "in the Kanto area."

Nabiki stared at his retreating back. She stayed that way until he had disappeared up the steps.

"Who'd you piss off, Saotome?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Most gods have heard of L-sama, the dreaded Lord of Nightmares. She isn't too famous, even in Asgard, so few actually know of anything beyond her name. Her nature is rumored to be something along the lines of Toltiir, only not as goody-goody. The prospect of someone even less moral than Toltiir sends more than a few beings into paroxysms of terror.

Toltiir, of course, thought this was funny as hell.

The Lord of Nightmares is known to oversee a grouping of dimensions of her own, much the same way as Kami-sama does. That L-sama is even more hands-off than the Almighty is also known. No one has actually been to the worlds that She rules over, but it has been theorized by a few espers that they resemble the 'Slayers' universes.

Most denizens of Heaven assume that Father is all-powerful, and therefore is directly over the Lord of Nightmares. They simply ignore her. Since L-sama is rarely seen in Heaven, this is easy to do. But a few gods, led by Loki, have formed what is called the Asgardian Heresy. This heresy states than Kami-sama and L-sama are actually equal in power, with the Almighty representing an aspect of Law, and the Lord of Nightmares symbolizing Chaos.

A much darker theory, known as the Setite Heresy, states that She is more powerful than Him. The leader of the Setite Heresy is the Egyptian god Set, a being that seeks to bring down all order in the multiverse. Rumors persist that members of the Setite Heresy actually worship the Lord of Nightmares, venerating Her as the ultimate source of all chaos and destruction.

The fourth and final theory was put forth by Sidharta Gahtma, the Buddha; and Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism. They believe that neither does the Lord of Nightmares represent chaos, nor does She represent law. It was their understanding that L-sama is instead an intersection of both Law and Chaos. Thus, L-sama is the personification of the Dao. She is a combination of good and evil, light and dark, creation and destruction. Yin and Yang.

The young goddess Skuld had heard the rumors of course. But finding out further information of the various heresies had upset her even more. She was presently sobbing into Belldandy's arms, crying over how a poor boy had been manipulated by an omnipotent evil.

Urd tacked away at the keyboard. More data was coming up on her screen.

Roughly around the time Ranma was thrown in a pit of yowling cats, a communiqué had been sent from an unknown source to Kami-sama's office. The message had appeared first on the terminal of some low-ranking angel. Not finding any source designation, and seeing that the file was encrypted, the angel had called a security detail. Instead of a team of investigators, three of the Almighty's hand-picked Valkeries had come down, commandeered the terminal, and sent the file on as planned.

Father Himself had then come down to the terminal, typed what was assumed to be a reply, then left. Rumors had flown, naturally, but everything had mostly remained quiet. Until Skuld had found that a certain Ranma Saotome was not the real Ranma Saotome. Urd had been on duty when a peculiar datastream flashed across her terminal. An unnamed mortal was to be granted a wish. The wish had already been made, and the Yggsdrasil computer was only waiting until a proper moment to implement it.

The Lord of Nightmares was listed as the overseeing goddess. Urd had sent the file on as planned, but had put her own data tag on it. That data tag had alerted her when the wish was implemented. Following it, Urd had ultimately found that Ranma Saotome had been effected.

Urd was not the smartest goddess around. She'd even admit it.

If she was really drunk.

But even Urd could see that the mysterious communiqué that Father had answered and the curious wish file were connected. This meant that Father and L-sama had established a form of communication and had planned this. Which of course meant they wanted something from him. She didn't have enough information at the moment to know just what it might be. Not even a ballpark estimate was possible. She didn't think the Lord of Nightmares wanted to suck the boy's brains. Which Skuld so obviously believed to be the case. The goddess's playful nature reasserted itself. She picked up the phone to make some calls.

oooooooooooooooooooooo

Ranma felt the oddest urge to sneeze. It was nothing really; just a slight twinge. Nothing to be worried about. Then he remembered that he was in an anime-based universe.

Crap.

Ignoring the goosebumps on his arms for now, he turned to face the other youth in front of him. Kuno was wearing his traditional kendo gear, slicked hair style, and sneer of superiority. Ranma swallowed his opinions of the man for just a few more moments.

"So you see Sempai, I have no designs whatsoever toward the fierce tigress Akane. I apologize,"—at this, the martial artist tried to sound sincere; tried—"for any misunderstandings I may have created."

Kuno gravely nodded. "Verily, thy words ring true. For surely few of even the strongest of men could hope to survive the attentions of the beauteous Akane Tendo."

"Surely." Ranma was smirking, but not for the reasons the kendo-ka knew.

"But," continued the nobleman, as though the other hadn't spoken, "know that I have not given up my quest against thy ignoble machinations! For the glorious house…"

Letting the moron go on in that vein for some time, supplying a few synonyms whenever the kendo-ka ran out of steam, Ranma simply grinned to himself. He'd just whittled down the fights with Kuno to once a day. He was content.

They parted with a polite nod toward each other. The Saotome youth felt like giggling all the way into his class. Giving a jaunty salute to Nabiki and her factors, he bought a bit of tea out of the vending machine. Several of the students around the Tendo eyed him.

Temptation sung. There were many times that voice had sung. Many times were quite memorable as something unpleasant had bit him in the ass. Such trivial things were ignored for now.

"Hi honey, I'm home," he joked towards Nabiki.

The Tendo girl watched with mounting horror at the calculating expression gracing her factors' faces. Her people were intelligent, much more so than the average Furinkan student. But even the smartest person was only a product of her environs. This was the social equivalent of a time bomb. It needed de-fusing. Now!

She smiled when the idea hit her. "Hello yourself, handsome." There. Now they knew she was in a habit of playing ball in Saotome's court. That meant nothing serious was on the line. Tina, born and raised in Hakata, pressed three fingers into Tendo's arm. Information later.

"Hello to those of you who don't know me. Name's Ranma Saotome…"

Ranma went on in the manner of a genuine fool that doesn't know that he is one. The group entertained him for a time, answering questions and fielding a few polite ones of their own. When he wandered off a few minutes later—reminding Nabiki immensely of a cat gotten bored—Tina snagged Tendo's arm, gaining her boss's attention.

"What in the world was that idiot trying to accomplish, Boss-san? Was he trying to feel us out?" The Foster girl had the look of a dog smelling an intruder.

"Mayu-chan thinks he is an idiot," stated the small girl to Tina's left. "No one tries to scope us out. He wants a territory dispute, we'll take him down."

Nabiki was about to correct the petite girl, but Aoi beat her to the punch. "He isn't stupid, Mayu-san," said Aoi, brushing a few short hairs behind her ear. "Just… simple."

"That didn't make any sense, Aoi-sempai." Taeko reseated her glasses. "Is he simple-minded or isn't he?"

Kaoru, the only male present, spoke up. "He's smart. Very smart. Smart enough to know exactly who we are and how he should behave. He just doesn't. He isn't afraid of us."

Nabiki felt a moment of pride for the two of them, Aoi Sakuraba and Kaoru Hanabishi. They were both sharper than a katana, and made of stronger stuff. They could both read people with a skill that even Nabiki found scary sometimes. She was sure that both Aoi and Kaoru would succeed her when she graduated on to college. But it was a slight concern that they might not have the heart needed to run the organization.

All in all, though, the two served each other well. Nabiki had seen them play good-cop/bad-cop against a debtor before. Kaoru could look as cold as an ice floe when he wanted to, and Aoi could charm the birds out of the trees. They meshed perfectly together, something even they saw.

They'd been dating ever since they'd met.

Even though Tina Foster and Mayu Miyuki would much rather have been in Aoi's place. Even though Kaoru seemed to have a soft spot in his heart for Taeko Minazuki, Tina, Mayu, and nearly every person he dealt with. Nabiki still wished them well.

Nabiki dispelled the argument over what to do about Ranma. "Tae-chin, put a tag on Saotome. Get Noin to do it."

"Lucrezia-sempai? Why not someone who doesn't stand out as much? Or someone cuter? He does have the right plumbing."

Kaoru quirked an eyebrow.

"So does Hanabishi-san, and he doesn't go ga-ga around a pretty face," Nabiki pointed out. "No, we need her."

"Tracking him?" questioned Mayu and Tina at the same time. Then began scowling at each other.

"You think he'll be doing a lot of traveling?" Aoi had assumed what Nabiki called the Noh-face. A faint smile and shining eyes that let the viewer believe whatever they wished without revealing anything.

"That, and I'll bet he's going into high-risk situations. Noin can handle herself there better than anyone except Zechs or Treize. And you know how those two are."

Everyone nodded. Zechs Marquis and Treize Kushrenada were just as obsessed with honor and personal glory as Tatewaki. The only difference was that Zechs and Treize were smarter and less vocal. In a fight, those two would feel the need to stick around and get noticed. Nabiki needed someone who would return in a timely manner.

oooooooooooooooo

Aoi walked into the girl's bathroom and looked carefully around. This included a more unusual search, one done by getting down on her knees and checking underneath each stall. Assured that no one was in the room with her, Aoi made her way into her own stall. She draped her overcoat across the door, and pulled her undergarments down to her ankles.

A slim gray cell phone appeared from the folds of her uniform. One number that Aoi always made sure was deleted from phone memory was dialed. She waited.

"Auntie, hi, how are you?" she said when the call was answered. "I'm fine, I'm fine. No, no emergency. I was just calling to talk to you. I know how lonely you get. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Is that so?

"Auntie, I don't suppose you've ever met my friend, Lucrezia Noin, have you? Well, she might be dropping by your area sometime soon. A new boy here, Ranma Saotome might be with her." Here she made sure to give a scandalized giggle. "No Auntie, they're not seeing each other."

No one who overheard the conversation, got a tape of it, or in anyway knew what was said would ever know just where Aoi's voice was being sent. It was indeed being sent to her aunt. But her aunt, Ichiko Kazami, would then pass on certain orders to Sakuraba-oyabun, the head of the Sakuraba Yakuza. These orders would say to put a trace on Lucrezia Noin, who would have a connection with Ranma Saotome. One or the other of the two being followed would not be aware of the other.

Aoi came out of the bathroom just in time to see another boy slap Kaoru-sama high on the back. Near the collar. Letting the other walk away smiling, she smoothly inserted herself by Kaoru-sama's side. Holding his bento for him, and taking his now-free hand, the pair moved off toward a quiet corner.

Kaoru disengaged his arm from Aoi-chan and raised it to scratch an itch on his lower neck. Near the collar.

"Kaoru-sama," called Aoi-chan, "look at the dates for the team's games."

She was pointing at a message-board that hung on the wall. Leaning close, Kaoru studied the board, using his hand to guide his reading. Using the hand that had been scratching his neck.

"I don't see anything that'll conflict, Aoi-chan," he eventually pronounced. "What times to the games start, anyway?"

Aoi blinked. Saotome had checked out, but something was up that Kaoru-sama needed to speak with her about. "Maybe around…six o'clock?" she returned, giving a time they could meet in private to talk.

The young couple continued on down the hall. A slip of paper carelessly drifted out of Kaoru's palm.

ooooooooooooooooo

Ranma was suddenly and inexplicably seized by a sneezing fit.

"Damn it all to hell. Anime's a hell of a lot funnier when you're not in it."

ooooooooooooooooo

AN: Don't expect this to be great art, people. My idea of high literature is the 'Great War' series by Harry Turtledove. Not to mention, I only work on this when bored, and have absolutely no idea where it's going. Anyone got a clue where it should go? I'll accept suggestions. Good ones.


End file.
